Still painting, learning and experimenting, more than 30 years on.
I want to let you into a little story that's followed me throughout my life and career as an artist.
I'm one of those people who simply has to create. It's not just what I do, it's a part of who I am. When I'm not making something, I feel a little lost, as though a piece of me has gone missing. I've learnt that creativity isn't simply about earning a living. It's about belonging, finding my place in the world and feeling most like me.
And yet, despite more than 30 years as a self-employed artist, every autumn, as the evenings draw in and winter approaches, the same little niggle creeps in.
I wonder if I should get a proper job?
Many hats: my life as a self-employed artist
My journey began at art school, full of ideas and enthusiasm, with little idea of quite how many hats I'd eventually wear. From bespoke paintings and international hotel commissions to teaching, presenting, making videos and running The Colour Factory Studios & Gallery in Winchester, my creative life has taken me in all sorts of directions.
Running The Colour Factory has meant building a community of artists, sharing ideas and inspiring others. It's one of the most rewarding parts of my life, but it's also meant negotiating studio rents, discussing RPI increases, managing accounts, tax returns, rates and utility bills, haggling over prices and wrestling with endless paperwork.
Nobody tells you about that bit at art school, do they?
I'm an artist, accountant, administrator, negotiator, marketing manager, problem solver, chief tea maker and sink un-blocker, often all before lunch! I'm a perfectionist, I work hard and I'm hopeless at saying no. Being your own boss is wonderfully liberating, but sometimes your boss can be an absolute tyrant.
The wobbles, the worries and the self-doubt
There have been exciting opportunities, wonderful commissions and moments when I've thought, How lucky am I to be doing this? But it hasn't all been plain sailing. I've had sleepless nights, worried myself silly, overthought just about everything and experienced anxiety along the way. There have been times when I've questioned whether I'm really cut out for juggling all these different responsibilities and wondered whether I've taken on more than I can manage. Being your own boss can be wonderful, but it can also be exhausting, and I'm certainly not immune to self-doubt.
But despite the wobbles, the worries and the times I've wondered whether I'm cut out for it all, I've kept going. And somewhere along the way, I've begun to realise that I've been so busy questioning whether I should get a proper job that I've failed to recognise the one I've spent more than 30 years building for myself.
What being an artist really means
Being an artist isn't simply about making paintings. It's about building a life around creativity, finding ways to make it work, adapting when things change and having the courage to keep going when the path ahead isn't always clear.
I've been fortunate enough to pay my bills through my creativity, and I'm hugely grateful. More than 30 years on, I'm still painting, learning, experimenting and dreaming up new projects. I can't imagine doing anything else.
To all you creative souls: give yourself some credit
So, to all you creative souls out there, whether you're making a living from your art, fitting it around another job or just beginning to find your feet, give yourself some credit. You don't have to be famous, sell hundreds of paintings or have everything neatly figured out for your creativity to count.
Think about how far you've come, what you've learnt, the things you've made and the challenges you've overcome. Perhaps you've built a business, developed your own style, found the confidence to share your work or simply carved out precious time to create amongst the busyness of everyday life. These things matter. They're achievements worth celebrating.
There will always be doubts, wobbles and days when you wonder whether you're doing the right thing. That's part of being human, not a sign that you're failing. Have faith in yourself, trust your instincts and keep making space for the things that make you feel most like you. You might be surprised at just how much you've already achieved.
As another autumn arrives, I'm finally calling time on my annual question.
This is my job. This IS a proper job!
I'm never asking that question again.
So keep creating, keep playing, keep learning and, above all, keep going. Be proud of the creative life you're building. You don't have to know exactly where it's taking you to recognise that what you're doing is valuable.
And remember, sometimes the most important thing you can create is a life that feels like your own.
Jenny x
